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The Sky is Falling: How Week 4 of Fantasy Football Cost Me My First Born

week 4 rideordynasty

An ongoing series of my worst season of fantasy football… so far.

When you are 0-3 in every league, it’s time for some drastic measures. One thing I did was mortgage the farm on a couple homerun players. The other is fall to 0-4. See, fantasy football is fun because there’s balance in all things. Now I’m depressed AND devoid of a good roster.

Let’s dive into what went wrong for me in week 4 besides thinking a 12-pack of Natty Bo would be enough to drown my sorrows.

Travis Kelce, TE401(k)


I basically put a second mortgage on my apartment (which I rent) and sold off my 401(k) full of Enron stock to trade for this idiot. Made sense at the time: I needed a homerun, Austin Ekeler is injury-prone-ish, and George Kittle already hurt me in week 2 and I’m mad at him, and who needs draft picks anyway? So it was super awesome to get Kelce just in time for his worst game, contributing a measly 4 points to one of my lowest scoring weeks of all time.

Meanwhile, Ekeler just had to have himself a day and my trade-mate hit me with her legalese of the “no takesies backsies” clause. I hate her guts. But I hate Kelce’s guts more.

Kelce will be fine moving forward. He’s Kelce… though I don’t love the next couple defenses the Chiefs will be facing (Bills, Washington). It’s not like the Chiefs are adding any new weapons that Mahomes can throw to– what’s that? HE’S BACK?? How come he gets unlimited chances to make millions after being caught with drugs, and I can’t even babysit my nephews anymore?

Nah, Josh Gordon will be a) eased in, b) be a deep threat; so it shouldn’t affect Kelce (though Tyreek Hill owners might be worried a bit). Hopefully, he’ll have a better outing in week 4, because it basically cost me everything. Put up your 2020 numbers, asshole!

CeeDee Lamb, WhyyyyyR1


This Lamb has apparently been led to the slaughter at the altar of Zeke and the run game. I was excited to see the Cowboys be a passing team at the start of the season, and now I’m lamenting that the run game is gaining traction. The team looks balanced, but at the clear expense of Lamb since Cooper will always see more action (if he’s healthy, which is a big if).

So yeah, I expected lower numbers, but 2 points?! That’s a giant fall from grace, going from a good WR2 to unplayable. The big question is whether the Cowboys will continue to run a lot. The next matchup with the Giants: absolutely. The Patriots: probably not. Then the bye. Then the Vikings: absolutely. So CeeDee is likely to only see value in the next 1 of 4 weeks. He’s a sell low if I’ve ever seen one.

Lamb will be part of a trade package for me in the coming week. Meanwhile, Hunter Renfrow is surprisingly under-rostered in many leagues, and he looked good during MNF. If I had any FAAB left to spend, I’d spent it on him, especially with the matchups he has coming up. Right now, all I got is my bench, so welcome to my flex spot… *checks notes* Josh Jacobs?! …well ok.

Nyheim Hines, RBJekyll&Hyde

source: Stampede Blue

Look, I wasn’t expecting a lot here. Especially with my luck this season. I bought a scratcher and I somehow owed money. But Hines had stuff going for him. Sure Jonathan Taylor is looking good and Marlon Mack was in the mix taking touches. Hines was an ok RB2 at best. But in deeper leagues, where I’ve been ravaged by injuries at RB, Hines was supposed to be a safe floor type of guy: heavily used in 3rd-down roles, sees work in the red zone, and gets a handful receiving targets. All this added up to a solid snap count and weeks 1 and 3 were strong showings, especially in PPR.

All I needed was like 5 points out of him to win this league. I was facing a low scoring taco (who has a better record than me, the taco supreme). But Michael Pittman had a bleh game and the Titans DST stunk it up, so it got close. So of course Hines gets literally negative points and loses it all for me. What. A. Punk.

Taylor is playing too well for Hines to get much more opportunities, and the red zone looks will be nearly non-existent which is bad since he’s touchdown dependent now that his touches are reduced. He still looks good when catching the ball, so he might have value in games that require more check downs, which could come next week against the Ravens. But there are better options on the wire. Everyone’s FAABing on Damien Williams this week, but Alex Collins looked great against the Niners even when Chris Carson was playing. Might be smarter to grab this handcuff if you can’t get Williams.

As for Hines, he’ll ride the bench to see how the Colts use him next week. He can join my Kamara handcuff Tony Jones there. What? His ankle?? Handcuff my ass!

Bengals DST/ Titans DST

You both had Jags and the Jets! What the hell happened?!

Streaming DSTs this season has been an all around pile of crap. Don’t do it. See you next loss.

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